Ok, I've got to vent or I'm gonna burst. I try not to whine . . . buy my husband and our dog, Bing know that sometimes I can whine. I don't want to whine, I hate what I sound like when I whine and I'm usually disgusted with myself after I whine; but this blows whining out of the ball park. For the last few years, I feel like I have been going through a dark night of my soul. I've struggled with believing more than I ever have in my life. Not the pillars of the faith, like is there a God and is Hell real, not that kinda stuff, but like the stuff that makes all the difference between just existing and overcoming. I know I'm going to heaven, no doubt about it. Would I ever turn my back on God?, no I will never walk away from Him, never. But the daring to believe parts, like for my healing and for financial miracles, am I willing to hold on a little longer, cause I know what He promised me. Or will I step back and not dare press in any further and accept this lot in life. I feel like I've been going through 3 years of my foundation being shaken, not to the point of destruction but to the point of shoring up my foundation. Like the pounding, the relentless pounding that they do on the beams that they drive into the ground that will give the deep support to any foundation structure. But man has this pounding been going on a really long time, will it ever end? Will my faith ever be strong enough?
I've been putting off blogging my thoughts since I created this blog, cause to try to express all that I am feeling and processing is very overwhelming, it's the same reason I even struggle sharing it with my husband. So I thought I might as well begin cause nobody reads my blog and no body knows I even have one. My face is smily on my facebook and myspace accounts so I've got that covered. I know I'm not the only one that has ever struggled or questioned their beliefs, but I do feel like it sometimes. I just have to hold on . . . a little longer . . . my answer has to be right around the next corner . . . I KNOW that God is faithful . . . sometimes I don't feel it, but I KNOW it.
To be continued . . .
