Excellence or Perfection?

"Thank you for never putting the demand for perfection on us, the expectation for excellence is an exciting goal to reach for as opposed to a burden that tightens around the neck and limits our abilities." I sent this statement as a text to my boss after coming out of a meeting with someone who works for another company and seeing the sheer anxiety and fear on them as they were going over details for an upcoming event. As long as I have worked for my boss, never has perfection been demanded but a desire to do all things in excellence has always been the prevailing goal. Demanding perfection leaves us open for failure and fatality. But striving for excellence leaves us open to grow and learn even when we fall short. And in turn when we do hit excellence than we can expand our expectation into greater excellence. Demanding perfection is like tying a noose around your neck with a heavy weight attached, when you are striving to be perfect and your trying to balance the weight of it, it invariably tightens that noose and eventually limits your ability to do anything. The difference between demanding perfection and expecting excellence is also the difference between slavery mentality and sonship mentality.

I'm thankful that I'm not a slave but son (daughter) who gets to joyfully pursue excellence!

"Workin' in a coal mine . . ."

I'm up for a MAJOR life change! Any suggestions? (Must be able to take my husband and possibly the dog, but definitely the husband!) ?????

A bunch of Bull Crap . . .

So I'm sitting here at my desk in the church office on a Saturday. Last night was our church's Trunk or Treat event and because my husband was super busy with the prep for that, he wasn't able to get the bulletin finished for Sunday, so here we are and it won't take us too long and it kinda helps that I have a few things I didn't get done for tomorrow either, that I can work on. But as is my thing, I check a couple of my fav blogs before I jump head first into my tasks and I read the salutation from this one and it's "Love Wins". And my thoughts instantly split into two teams as the words register in my brain. The one team says - no screams "That's bull crap" and then the other team in all their holiness whispers "Yes it does, if you'll let it" and I'm suddenly angry and crying. Lord, I hope nobody comes into the building right now. Picture it . . . lady in desperate need of a dye job with 1/2 inch gray new growth, eyeshadow on but no lips, sitting at desk behind closed doctors office type window crying and smiling. This is one of those moments when I wonder if I'm bi-polar. (I say that with all sincerity and with no disrespect to those who are). I just was so angry last night with some things that happened and I wanted to let it go and move on, the Bible trained part of my brain says that's what I'm supposed to do, but this other part just wants people to take responsibility for their actions and words. If God is gonna hold me accountable I think He should hold them accountable. UGH! (That's a HUGE Charlie Brownish UGH!) Interpersonal relationships are such . . . I can't swear . . . I thought of one that fit, but I can't swear . . . their such . . . HARD STUFF.
Man, I wish I were back on the road with my folks, livin' in a bus, moving everyday, no interpersonal relationships required or expected . . . those were the days of easy livin'.

Or were they?

branden's wife

Ok, I've got to vent or I'm gonna burst. I try not to whine . . . buy my husband and our dog, Bing know that sometimes I can whine. I don't want to whine, I hate what I sound like when I whine and I'm usually disgusted with myself after I whine; but this blows whining out of the ball park. For the last few years, I feel like I have been going through a dark night of my soul. I've struggled with believing more than I ever have in my life. Not the pillars of the faith, like is there a God and is Hell real, not that kinda stuff, but like the stuff that makes all the difference between just existing and overcoming. I know I'm going to heaven, no doubt about it. Would I ever turn my back on God?, no I will never walk away from Him, never. But the daring to believe parts, like for my healing and for financial miracles, am I willing to hold on a little longer, cause I know what He promised me. Or will I step back and not dare press in any further and accept this lot in life. I feel like I've been going through 3 years of my foundation being shaken, not to the point of destruction but to the point of shoring up my foundation. Like the pounding, the relentless pounding that they do on the beams that they drive into the ground that will give the deep support to any foundation structure. But man has this pounding been going on a really long time, will it ever end? Will my faith ever be strong enough?
I've been putting off blogging my thoughts since I created this blog, cause to try to express all that I am feeling and processing is very overwhelming, it's the same reason I even struggle sharing it with my husband. So I thought I might as well begin cause nobody reads my blog and no body knows I even have one. My face is smily on my facebook and myspace accounts so I've got that covered. I know I'm not the only one that has ever struggled or questioned their beliefs, but I do feel like it sometimes. I just have to hold on . . . a little longer . . . my answer has to be right around the next corner . . . I KNOW that God is faithful . . . sometimes I don't feel it, but I KNOW it.

To be continued . . .

Sunday Morning in Joplin

I'm so excited . . . our corporate worship service begins in less than 15 minutes! I'm sitting in my office at the church and I hear the worship team preparing and it's like a call, like their blowing the shofar but their not. My spirit is so wound up in me, like I'm holding onto a live wire. I don't necessarily feel like shouting our screaming, but I do feel like I'm on the edge of something. And all I can do while I type this is cry! (why does crying have to be my release for everything???) Anyway, I'm so excited I'm crying :)

This post has so much backstory to it but I don't have the time to share it now. I've got to get into the sanctuary, but I will share it all soon!

I'm going to take my place . . . second row, far left, about 3 seat in from the outside! I can't wait!!

Encouragement comes in all forms . . .

I’ve had, what seems to be, a rough morning . . . overslept the alarm, felt like a pile of poop upon waking, just a struggle from my first conscious moment. And right in the midst of it, I was putting on my makeup, I heard HIS voice whisper in my ear “it’s a new day”. Now yesterday wasn’t bad, I felt HIS presence all day long and just rejoiced in the day, but this morning I felt sideswiped and so HIS whisper was a reminder that there were new mercies for whatever I would encounter this day ~ so on I march. Got to work and checked out our bank account on line and low and behold over drawn due to an unauthorized payment being taken out. Blah Blah Blah, I was crushed and frustrated and in the middle of it I wanted to cry but couldn’t stay in the muck! I felt like I was being pulled out of the muck before I sat down in it and I didn’t ask to be pulled out but there stood a FAITHFUL FRIEND, pulling me up and out and I hadn’t even asked for HIS help yet!! How sweet COVENANT is!! So here I sit at work, completing each task, one by one and I’m standing outside of the pit of muck with a smirk on my face. The pit is still there, but I don’t have to sit down in it! Something so simple yet so big to me. Go figure. Then for a quick break I log onto a blog that I visit occasionally and blam!!! there on the post for 04/18 more encouragement (I’ll let you read it for yourself) but it’s a total confirmation of what I’ve been hearing from my FRIEND. And it’s not about some overdrawn bank account . . . it’s life, the daily walking out of life. Oswald Chambers said “Jesus did not promise us overcoming life, but life as we overcome”. I agree!

I LOVE WEDNESDAY NIGHT SERVICES!!!!!!

Ok, can I scream it any louder than ALL CAPS?! I equally love and need midweek service. So for any of you people who attend a midweek worship service, I don’t care if it’s Tuesday or Thursday or whatever other “mid-week” day you go to a corporate worship service, just do it! GO! It is not to take the place of your personal time with Father, but it is vitally necessary! I know peoples lives are busy with jobs and kids and LIFE! But it is so worth it to just set aside this time, sacrifice this time and come away with a group of people who just want to worship God and study His Word and grow in him and go out refreshed. So, so important. The other night I sat in the service and worship was great and I just wept thru’ it. (I’m a cryer, I cry when I’m happy, I cry when I’m sad, I cry when I’m angry, I cry when I’m overwhelmed, I cry when I’m rejoicing, I cry when I’m worshiping, I just cry, crying’s my favorite) So I’m just being washed in worship and Pastor Dan steps up and begins to teach and everything that fell from his mouth was right to me. It was like the Holy Spirit was speaking directly to me. And it was exactly what I needed to hear and when I needed to hear it. I’m so blown away by the perfectness of God!